All Things Homo. Well, Many Things…

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if Gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to things like cars or longer lifespans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “separate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

They say if you are not outraged, then you are not paying attention. I for one am outraged, and if you have a single nerve capable of firing off any common sense whatsoever, you should be as well. At the end of this post you’ll find code that you can use to link back. If you come across any links or organizations that should be included, reply with them. Thank you in advance for reading.

We are living in a time of extremist war against us all. What you think could never happen in this country IS happening, while the majority of us live our lives as if we are not affected and nothing will break our safe, comfortable little bubbles. We like to live as though nothing will ever be bad enough to really come in and destroy us, which is such an American trait, and take no notice of those who try relentlessly to do just that. To quote former U.S. Senator Barry Goldwater: “A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away.” Our government and the current administration throws out catchphrases like “freedom” and “democracy”, “right to live” and “judicial tyranny”, and gems like “defending our homes and families from fanatical, fundamentalist terrorism” almost on a daily basis - and has the nerve to ignore the fact that it has been the victim of the same kind of malevolent hypocrisy. We are living under the reign of Fundamentalist Christian terrorism, and we do nothing to stop it - least of all change the way we think about ourselves and use our voices in dissension. Use your minds and your voices and be the change you wish to see in the world.

Propaganda is and has always been a dangerous tool, especially when it is being used in the name of God. When God and the Bible (and the Quran, and the Book of Mormon) are being used as a club to beat people with, justice is raped and fairness ceases to exist. No one has the right to decide anything for you unless you make that choice for yourself to allow such a thing. I am never going to stand for anyone dictating what is or is not appropriate for me, least of all someone who appoints themselves as a spokesperson for an imaginary sky fairy I don’t even believe exists.

So to all of you, like minded people and not - gay, straight, faithful, faithless, questioning, whatever - understand something. I am an American, goddamnit. A big gay one. I need no one’s approval or permission to be who I am, and that includes loving intensely, fucking passionately, or saying whatever the bloody fuck I feel like saying. If you don’t like it, seek therapy. I support your right to say whatever misguided, rhetorical bullshit you want to say, but do not think for a single second that any of it is taken seriously. And I encourage anyone that listens to you to do the same, because the truth is you speak for no one but yourselves and if there really were any such thing as God then you are all completely fucked.

What you think could never happen IS happening. The same type of speech that Hitler used against the Jews is and always has been used against GLBT people by The Religious Reich. From the fringe to the mainstream, we’re going to cover all of these wingnuts and I’m going to get your brain integrated with them all personally before they take over and we are all forced to live in a Margaret Atwood novel.

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This originally was the brainchild of my friends at annoy.com, which sourced and quoted my post “That’s MISTER Faggot To You!” in the original piece. I loved it and thought it was genius.

INTRODUCTION

How many of you haven’t heard of the “Gay Agenda” or “Radical Homosexual Agenda”?

Although many claim there isn’t one, here it is, the new, improved, radical homosexual agenda for 2006. A roadmap, if you will, towards destroying nuclear families, and reshaping society to the point that if your son isn’t blowing his professor, don’t expect any graduation ceremonies.

For all the fear-mongering pigs that use religion to marginalize, humiliate, electrocute and murder others, may this new Gay Agenda permeate your worst nightmares.

THE GAY AGENDA

1. Gay men and lesbians should marry one another, and extol each other every tangible and intangible benefit the institution provides. They cannot stop gay marriage as long as gays are marrying. If you are gay and single without a desire to marry, marry a homosexual of the opposite sex anyway, and donate any marriage credits the government may offer to any gay organization seeking to destroy heterosexual norms.

2. Once benefits are secured, divorce. Wreck the sanctity of the institution by driving up the divorce rates from the current 52% to at least 80%.

3. Remember 52% of marriages end in divorce, the remaining 48% in death. There’s nothing sanctimonious about that. Demand the institution and then wreck it. James Dobson was right about our evil intentions. We just plan to be quicker than he thought.

4. Get a gun and learn how to shoot. It’s as much about arming bears as it is bearing arms. If you think you’re protected by the Constitution, think again. If they don’t allow you to marry, the next amendment will be to deny gays guns.

5. Reclaim Jesus. He was a Jewish queer to begin with, and don’t let anyone forget it.

6. BAN DIVORCE. If the institution is so in need of protection, seek a constitutional amendment to ban divorce. One marriage, once.

7. Normalize - Thwart fashion and style sense inclinations so that homophobes cannot separate you from straights. Gay vague my ass. Make it gay impossible to tell.

8. Hate Crime laws are just the beginning. Once those are passed either federally or in all 50 states, begin campaign to eliminate homophobia entirely.

9. Like “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” thoughts or words equal conduct. Homophobic inclinations alone, even without any actions, should be criminal and punishable to the full extent of the law.¹

10. Penetrate the sperm banks to perpetuate the gene. Although the nature vs. nurture debate rages on, ensure that as many vials of semen contain gay genes.

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