All Things Homo. Well, Many Things…

It really happened! After 8 long years of misery and hopelessness, bitter family infighting, and much loss in the way of national respect and values - what felt for so long as teetering on fascism and disrespect for the Constitution at every turn got a death blow on Tuesday when my country, which I love beyond measure, spoke up loudly and without restraint our rallying cry since we began work on this Campaign: YES WE CAN…

It is still very surreal and I cannot bring myself to let go of certain fears just yet, but I hope that in time it happens as it deservedly should. It has been an amazing experience watching all of this unfold in real time, and the coincidences are not lost on me. The old mill next door burned to the ground a week ago; that imposing, seemingly impenetrable structure that one couldn’t imagine being taken down by any conceivable force and yet there its remains sit on the riverbank across the way, a victim of itself. All it took was time and accelerant. What is left stands as a metaphor for an abrupt end to something big and destructive - and a lingering possibly for something even bigger to one day stand in its place.

We have been euphoric. We have been enjoying this renewed sense of hope and possibility for a better future because we believed in it and willed it into action. Tuesday evening was without question one of the most significant experiences of my entire life and I’m finding it staggering even now how enormous it really was. I sat in my home with one of my closest friends in the world watching the final results come in and being acutely aware of each one of my senses when the moment arrived signaling the certainty of our President-elect. Absent were recollections of happier tears shed, of joy being rediscovered and frustrations released, all cloaked in the brilliance of goodness and a return to a time when we finally believed once again that everything was going to be alright, my fellow countrymen had spoken in a defiant, resounding voice that would not be content to merely open new doors - these doors were kicked in, smashed to bits, and burned for kindling. Again, all it took was time and accelerant.

The initial shock and disbelief that it was actually happening was replaced with the soothing balm of reassurance by way of the numbers of people who were catalysts for this change occurring. My own county here in West Central Georgia, historically conservative, voted 70% in favor of Barack Obama and Joe Biden. Even Fort Benning, a fundamental part of our lifeblood, went to a majority for Obama/Biden. How extraordinary every part of this was! Finding it difficult to keep any semblance of composure, I let all of this wash over me and let go of everything I have held back for months and years in torrents of frustrative tension now flowing like the river this home is perched above. I felt more alive than I have in ages, and it was a catharsis well earned.

But my heart was heavy and still burdened, and a lingering sadness was pressing upon me for something that would never be and I couldn’t get my mind off of him. It was all so beguiling. Renea, knowing me better than most and having that magical ability to not only read my mind but also unintentionally speak my thoughts looked over to me and said aloud what was welling up in me. She said “I’d give anything if Harvey were alive to see this” and we both wept. It was shortly after this that the news of Prop 8 in California came in, as well as those in Arkansas, Florida, and Arizona - and we were momentarily bereft. It was a familiar feeling and for once we had the opportunity to put it down and replace it with our new President-elect facing the nation he was chosen to lead speaking to the world in one of the most precious, glorious moments of my life. I decided then not to waste my happiness as it has been so hard to earn earn. Mourn your losses because they are plenty - but celebrate your victories, because they are so few.

I’ve had a few days now to begin processing everything and take stock of what has transpired and what is left to be done. I have used this blog and others in an effort to spark dialog and create change, because I believe in the power of grassroots activism. There has never been a better time in history for this given the way in which the Obama campaign got its legs and honed its muscles on the shoulders of grassroots movements. I’ve thought long and hard about what is to be done now, where I go from here with my fighting nature and how to keep laboring to make things better. The battle I’ve helped fight for years now is finally over, but there are old ones that need footsoldiers and not enough are available.

I’m unnerved at the label placed on me and others like me that for some reason - any reason - we are second and third class citizens. That it is acceptable to ignore the separation of church and state while allowing an ignorant and antiquated religious bent to define what a ‘real’ family is or who should not have legal rights. I’m tired of being told I have to smile and play nice while sand is being kicked in my face, and I can no more be a spectator when my brothers and sisters are STILL being oppressed and discriminated against than I can capitulate to the insanity that tries to define who and what I am.

It is time for grassroots action. It is time to get your hands dirty and build something. It is time to finally be dissatisfied with being a second class citizen enough to stop being one and make change. It is time to stop fighting this fight for ME and start fighting it for WE. It is time to get engaged with each other and those who need to be held to account. It is time to declare as a nation that putting the fundamental rights of citizens of this country up for popular vote is illegal; it is un-American and it speaks to the same backward thinking that causes our children to harm themselves as they have no sense of self worth or self respect.

It is time we engayge_america.

HARVEY MILK IS DEAD.

Harvey Milk is one of my lifetime heroes, and has taught me more in my 37 years about who to be - how to live - and how to fight than probably any other man on earth. If you read some of the things I write and they resonate with you because I come off as fearless or angry, because I’m unwilling to settle for less than what is acceptable, or because I will not apologize for being who I am, then you owe your respect not to me - but to people like Harvey. I am who I am for the same reasons he was, because it never occurred to me to be anyone but who I am - and there’s nothing wrong with that, and I will never allow anyone to convince me differently.

In December of this year, a film by Gus Van Sant will be released called “Milk” (IMDb listing | trailer), starring Sean Penn in a stunning portrayal as Harvey Milk. This film has the potential to reach a large number of people who never knew there even was such a thing as Harvey Milk, which got me thinking about how many people still don’t - even before this film comes out.

This is unacceptable. People have to know.

I’ve written about him before, so hopefully some of you are already on board. For those of you who are not familiar with him, I urge you to take the time - and I’m going to make that real easy for you. Steven Biko, the slain South African civil rights activist immortalized in Peter Gabriel’s song “Biko” once said “It becomes more necessary to see the truth as it is if you realize that the only vehicle for change are these people who have lost their personality.” He understood the necessity of civil rights for all, not some, and he died for what he believed in and fought for.

Harvey Milk was a gay man living in San Francisco, CA at a time when there were virtually no real civil rights protections for the GLBT community to secure employment, among many other things. Harvey was the owner of a small camera store in the Castro district, which has over the years become sort of a queer mecca. Before Harvey, people only lamented the fact that things were the way they were. No one had considered that this was ever going to change, and no one until this point had stood up and said in a resounding voice that would not stand to be quiet: “NO”. Harvey was that voice, which is extraordinary not only because he had the courage to be that voice, but because he pioneered it. There was no map, there was no manual - Harvey wrote it all and got others on board with this journey to help pick a fight no one had ever picked before on this scale outside of the Stonewall Riots. Not because he wanted notoriety or fame for it, but because it was necessary and right and had to be done. In preparing for this fight, he knew he would be putting his own life at risk for injury or even death, but that was a small sacrifice to make he felt if it meant change - real change would result. He knew that the possibility was high that he may be assassinated, and that it was an invariable part of what he was signing up for - but that was his committment to seeing this change come to fruition. He even says so in an audiotape he recorded that was meant to be played in the event of his death by assassination. You can hear it for yourselves here.

Make no mistake, this is not a gay thing. If you’re a woman and you enjoy the civil rights protections you have, you don’t just owe the suffragettes, you owe Harvey. If you’re an atheist and you appreciate that there are laws protecting you from work discrimination - if you’re a person of color or a person of size - YOU OWE HARVEY MILK. If you’re a person who is frustrated because you see how much farther we have to go, congratulations - you’re just that much more like him. Be proud of that, but don’t stop at pride - don’t even idle there - DO SOMETHING. He kicked in the door you walk through with no notice daily, and you’d never even have that opportunity to a large degree without his efforts and sacrifice. The reason I feel a stronger kinship on a personal level is because Harvey was first and foremost an activist at heart, which played first in everything he set out to accomplish. He meant for the world to see that a gay man was just as capable and just as able as Dr. King and meant to take care of those he felt were his community, his family, his tribe.

Harvey Milk is responsible for many aspects of me, and vicariously many others I hope. I’m very angry with any gay man who describes himself as ’straight acting’. It’s insulting to me and an affront to the core of my principles as a human being, let alone as a gay man. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, there’s nothing wrong with being straight either - but to try and assume characteristics of or model oneself behind those who you’re not and never will be presupposes that you’re not capable of being yourself without restraint and without apology and you know what? FUCK that! Just FUCK THAT NOISE. Have some respect - people died for you to be that self righteous asshole, showing respect is the very least you can do. If you don’t find a flaming queen sexually attractive, understand that he’s not out trying to impress you - that’s him being him. It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve being called out for treating him like he’s somehow less than you are or that you’re better than he is simply becuase you have different mannerisms and gestures. If you don’t have the character or fortitude to be who you are regardless of circumstance then you should know who Harvey was simply because he was that person in the face of those who hated him for it and you can’t even be that for yourself. To quote Steven Biko one more time, “The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.” If you’re going to be a willing victim, be one on your own terms and not someone else’s.

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They say if you are not outraged, then you are not paying attention. I for one am outraged, and if you have a single nerve capable of firing off any common sense whatsoever, you should be as well. At the end of this post you’ll find code that you can use to link back. If you come across any links or organizations that should be included, reply with them. Thank you in advance for reading.

We are living in a time of extremist war against us all. What you think could never happen in this country IS happening, while the majority of us live our lives as if we are not affected and nothing will break our safe, comfortable little bubbles. We like to live as though nothing will ever be bad enough to really come in and destroy us, which is such an American trait, and take no notice of those who try relentlessly to do just that. To quote former U.S. Senator Barry Goldwater: “A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away.” Our government and the current administration throws out catchphrases like “freedom” and “democracy”, “right to live” and “judicial tyranny”, and gems like “defending our homes and families from fanatical, fundamentalist terrorism” almost on a daily basis - and has the nerve to ignore the fact that it has been the victim of the same kind of malevolent hypocrisy. We are living under the reign of Fundamentalist Christian terrorism, and we do nothing to stop it - least of all change the way we think about ourselves and use our voices in dissension. Use your minds and your voices and be the change you wish to see in the world.

Propaganda is and has always been a dangerous tool, especially when it is being used in the name of God. When God and the Bible (and the Quran, and the Book of Mormon) are being used as a club to beat people with, justice is raped and fairness ceases to exist. No one has the right to decide anything for you unless you make that choice for yourself to allow such a thing. I am never going to stand for anyone dictating what is or is not appropriate for me, least of all someone who appoints themselves as a spokesperson for an imaginary sky fairy I don’t even believe exists.

So to all of you, like minded people and not - gay, straight, faithful, faithless, questioning, whatever - understand something. I am an American, goddamnit. A big gay one. I need no one’s approval or permission to be who I am, and that includes loving intensely, fucking passionately, or saying whatever the bloody fuck I feel like saying. If you don’t like it, seek therapy. I support your right to say whatever misguided, rhetorical bullshit you want to say, but do not think for a single second that any of it is taken seriously. And I encourage anyone that listens to you to do the same, because the truth is you speak for no one but yourselves and if there really were any such thing as God then you are all completely fucked.

What you think could never happen IS happening. The same type of speech that Hitler used against the Jews is and always has been used against GLBT people by The Religious Reich. From the fringe to the mainstream, we’re going to cover all of these wingnuts and I’m going to get your brain integrated with them all personally before they take over and we are all forced to live in a Margaret Atwood novel.

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This post is difficult for me to write for a number of reasons, but I’ve never spoken about it before - and given the current theme of my posts during Pride month, I felt it was necessary to write about it. I make this post in honor and remembrance of my transgendered friends - old and new - and those who are no longer alive to share in our lives anymore. Deidre & Ashley, I love and miss you terribly, I haven’t tears enough for what each of you suffered and I will never get over not being there when you left.

I want you to imagine something for me. I want you to imagine that things don’t match up between what you know and what you are. That there is something so very wrong between who you see in the mirror and who you know you really are, enshrined in taboo and shame, that you are forced to live an unfathomable lie. Consider that whatever it is about you that you know is wrong is so overwhelming you can barely bring yourself to accept it, let alone say it out loud to another person. As my friend Jennifer says “I don’t want to say it, ’cause you know if you don’t say it it’s not real.” In your desperation, you begin to think that there is no hope you’ll ever find another person who will accept this hidden part of you, compounding the shame you carry like bricks in your heart and knowing you are powerless. You may have thoughts of suicide. You may act out in self destructive ways and turn your anger inward on yourself. You may feel so completely isolated in this private hell that you’ll try anything to numb the pain, from drugs and alcohol or being excessively mean and cruel to overcompensating for what you feel are your shortcomings - anything to not have to deal with “it”. Imagine this is a secret so overwhelming that it prevents you from ever feeling like you could be happy, like you could ever live like “normal” people do. Imagine feeling every day like there is a bomb about to go off in your life and you have nowhere to hide. Imagine having a part of your body that feels so damaged, so alien, that you have considered self mutilation just to be free from the prison it places you in. Imagine feeling like this private part of yourself that by all rights should be shared with the world is so overwhelming that you can barely breathe. Perhaps you cannot put these descriptions on yourself. Fine, have it your way. Imagine the person I’m describing is someone you know, someone whose secretive, or odd behaviour makes you question the deep sense of sadness they reek of. Maybe it’s your friend. Maybe it’s your father. Maybe it’s your child. Maybe it’s your spouse. Maybe it really just is YOU.

Now imagine me, and imagine I’m telling you to your face that there is nothing I find wrong - or ugly - or shameful about you. I know better. If nobody else, I can see through the things most “normal” people cannot get past and see what makes a whole person themselves. That’s what I chose to say to someone I love very much many years ago when I knew precious little about transgendered people. I was so honored and I felt so trusted when a dear friend of mine came out to me as transgendered because she knew somehow that I would understand and accept her if only she could find her courage and her voice to tell me. The first thing I did was asked her to tell me her name. She kind of looked at me strangely, and I told her “I know what name you were given, but I want to know YOUR name. Because from now on, you’ve got to be who you know you are. And I love you. So I’m asking you again, what is your name?” By the time I finished this, we were both crying and hugging and being as close as two people can be emotionally outside of being in romantic love. Once the reality of this all sunk in, I knew I would never be the same and I was proud of myself that I could help open that door for someone I loved. Ever since then, I make it a habit of holding doors open - literally and metaphorically.

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This originally was the brainchild of my friends at annoy.com, which sourced and quoted my post “That’s MISTER Faggot To You!” in the original piece. I loved it and thought it was genius.

INTRODUCTION

How many of you haven’t heard of the “Gay Agenda” or “Radical Homosexual Agenda”?

Although many claim there isn’t one, here it is, the new, improved, radical homosexual agenda for 2006. A roadmap, if you will, towards destroying nuclear families, and reshaping society to the point that if your son isn’t blowing his professor, don’t expect any graduation ceremonies.

For all the fear-mongering pigs that use religion to marginalize, humiliate, electrocute and murder others, may this new Gay Agenda permeate your worst nightmares.

THE GAY AGENDA

1. Gay men and lesbians should marry one another, and extol each other every tangible and intangible benefit the institution provides. They cannot stop gay marriage as long as gays are marrying. If you are gay and single without a desire to marry, marry a homosexual of the opposite sex anyway, and donate any marriage credits the government may offer to any gay organization seeking to destroy heterosexual norms.

2. Once benefits are secured, divorce. Wreck the sanctity of the institution by driving up the divorce rates from the current 52% to at least 80%.

3. Remember 52% of marriages end in divorce, the remaining 48% in death. There’s nothing sanctimonious about that. Demand the institution and then wreck it. James Dobson was right about our evil intentions. We just plan to be quicker than he thought.

4. Get a gun and learn how to shoot. It’s as much about arming bears as it is bearing arms. If you think you’re protected by the Constitution, think again. If they don’t allow you to marry, the next amendment will be to deny gays guns.

5. Reclaim Jesus. He was a Jewish queer to begin with, and don’t let anyone forget it.

6. BAN DIVORCE. If the institution is so in need of protection, seek a constitutional amendment to ban divorce. One marriage, once.

7. Normalize - Thwart fashion and style sense inclinations so that homophobes cannot separate you from straights. Gay vague my ass. Make it gay impossible to tell.

8. Hate Crime laws are just the beginning. Once those are passed either federally or in all 50 states, begin campaign to eliminate homophobia entirely.

9. Like “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” thoughts or words equal conduct. Homophobic inclinations alone, even without any actions, should be criminal and punishable to the full extent of the law.¹

10. Penetrate the sperm banks to perpetuate the gene. Although the nature vs. nurture debate rages on, ensure that as many vials of semen contain gay genes.

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